remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
