I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
