VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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