Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
