you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
