You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
