Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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