Capitaan dildo arrescate!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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