it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
