I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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