I didn't shave. On purpose
where am i from again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
