I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
