Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
