Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
