pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
