It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
