Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
