How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
