KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
