I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
