I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
