I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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