i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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