NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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