Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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