so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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