One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
