Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
