dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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