I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
