i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize