I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
