im about as happy as oj after his trial
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
