You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
