I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize