just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
