I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
