If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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