i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
