Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
