I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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