Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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