the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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