Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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