I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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