So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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