If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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