i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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