she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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