He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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