I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
