There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
