If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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