Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who died my cat blue again?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
