Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
