you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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