i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
