I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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