the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
