I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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