Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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