The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
