i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
