Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
