Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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