Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
