my phone needs a breathalizer
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
