I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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