So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
