What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
