Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
