I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're a disaster
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