I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
