So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
