I must be too annoying 4 u.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
