he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
