ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
