I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
