'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
