The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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