Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
