"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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