Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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