At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
