tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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