he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
