Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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