Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
