why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
