I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
