I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What a dumb baby whore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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