I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
