just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
