Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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