I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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