i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
